The word 'suggestive' as it suggests can mean two things but both of varied contexts, and in a way that you see it or you hear it and you know that there is a lot more than merely a suggestion in there. Suggestive quotes like suggestive things are filled with subtleties that pretend not to be and know they're well pronounced, wanting to hide behind a thick big facade that always reveals more than intended. I do not like suggestions especially when they come in the form of good advice and good advice especially when it has come as a hand-me-down and not from your own experience is one of the most boring things in the world as it is just unreal. But stories that come from first-hand experience are enthralling and then I listen to the things that endear me because, then, in it is a lot of truth. Here are some suggestive sayings - observations that failed our notice - mockingly true, some rudely funny. Later I have put in there some quotes and sayings about life in general by two of my favorites, Oscar Wilde and George Bernard Shaw.
Funny Suggestive Sayings on the World, People and Politics
"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell." - Aldous Huxley
"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book." - Ronald Reagan
"Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital." - Aaron Levenstein
"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up." - Phyllis Diller
"Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother." - Ken Dodd
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Sam Kinison
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." - Groucho Marxv
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron." - George Carlin
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is." - Ellen DeGeneris
"A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business." - Shelley Berman
"Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents." - Billiam Coronel
"Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window." - Steve Bluestone
"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place." - Johnny Carson
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock." - Will Rogers
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you." - Rita Mae Brown
"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash." - Jerry Seinfeld
"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her." - Ellen DeGeneres
"I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - Lily Tomlin
"Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact." - Marlene Dietrich
"To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals." - Don Schrader
"Familiarity breeds contempt - and children." - Mark Twain, Notebooks, 1935
"If you use the electric vibrator near water, you will come and go at the same time." - Louise Sammons
"I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty." - John Waters
"Sudden acquaintance brings repentance." - Thomas Fuller
"Conservatives say teaching sex education in the public schools will promote promiscuity. With our education system? If we promote promiscuity the same way we promote math or science, they've got nothing to worry about." - Beverly Mickins
You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct. W. Somerset Maugham, The Bread-Winner
"It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins." - Chinese Proverb
"Chastity: The most unnatural of the sexual perversions." - Aldous Huxley, Eyeless in Gaza, 1936
"Vanity, revenge, loneliness, boredom, all apply: lust is one of the least of the reasons for promiscuity." - Mignon McLaughlin
"Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?" - Murray Banks
"Anticipation makes the hard-on longer." - Itsby Stevintary
"A student undergoing a word-association test was asked why a snowstorm put him in mind of sex. He replied frankly: 'Because everything does.'"- Honor Tracy
"It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses." - Mrs. Patrick Campbell
Suggestive Sayings by Woody Allen
"Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast."
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
"I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'"
"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."
"Sex relieves tension - love causes it."
"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."
"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best."
"Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman."
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
Quotes by Anonymous Authors
"Our love could change the orbit of the earth. So, if a meteor ever comes hurtling towards earth with the guarantee of destruction, top scientists may call on us to, well, you know, do it like crazy for the sake of humankind."
"I think I could fall madly in bed with you."
"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."
"Flies spread disease - keep yours zipped."
"A dirty book is rarely dusty."
"Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken."
"When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute."
"A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, 'I guess we answered that question.'"
"Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics."
"Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time."
"Obscenity is whatever gives the Judge an erection."
"The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm."
"The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left-handed people are in their right mind."
"The best contraceptive is a glass of cold water: not before or after, but instead."
"Be naughty - save Santa a trip."
"An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets."
"The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on."
"I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now."
"Never let the little head do the thinking for the big head." - (advice to teenage boys, quoted in Friendly Advice compiled by Jon Winokur)
Suggestive Sayings on Love and Marriage
"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste." - David Bissonette
"I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back." - Henny Youngman
"What is commonly called love, namely the desire of satisfying a voracious appetite with a certain quantity of delicate white human flesh." - Henry Fielding
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." -James Holt McGavran
"I know nothing about sex, because I was always married." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house." -Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back." - Al Bundy
"Love ain't nothing but sex misspelled." - Harlan Ellison
"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her." - Agatha Christie
"I know nothing about sex, because I was always married." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring." - S.J. Perelman
"Love's mysteries in souls do grow,
But yet the body is his book." - John Donne
But yet the body is his book." - John Donne
"If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry." - Chekhov
"Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest." - Irwin Corey
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." - Rita Rudner
"When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living." - Helen Rowland
"Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway." - Joey Adams
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. - Jackie Mason
"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." - Sacha Guitry
"Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it." -B. Johnson
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." - Maryon Pearson
"We had a lot in common. I loved him and he loved him." - Shelley Winters
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love." - Butch Hancock
"Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?" - Carrie Snow
Suggestive Quotes Comparing Men and Women
"Men get laid, but women get screwed." - Quentin Crisp
"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." - Margaret Thatcher
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man." - Lana Turner
"To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it." - Cary Grant
"Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place." - Billy Crystal.
"I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I, a microwave?" - Beverly Mickins
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.' - Jerry Seinfeld
"Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last." - Remy de Gourmant
"When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment." - Warren Farrell
"If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them." - Sue Grafton
"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." - Elayne Boosler
"Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?" - Rita Rudner
"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" - Linda Ellerbee
"When a man says he had pleasure with a woman he does not mean conversation." - Samuel Johnson
"Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man." - Mignon McLaughlin
"Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull. It is the sex instinct which makes women seem beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem wise and brave, which they never are at all. Throttle it, denaturalize it, take it away, and human existence would be reduced to the prosaic, laborious, boresome, imbecile level of life in an anthill." - Henry Louis Mencken
"Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve." - Andy Rooney
"For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time." - Isabel Allende
"Desire is in men a hunger, in women only an appetite." - Mignon McLaughlin
"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy." - Erica Jong
"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." - Gloria Steinem
"The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can." - Margo Kaufman
"Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?" - Rita Rudner
"I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them." - Jay McInerney
"When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows." - Frederick Ryder
"A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses." - H.L. Mencken
Suggestive Quotes on Life (and everything it's made of) by Oscar Wilde
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
"To be great is to be misunderstood."
"And, after all, what is a fashion? From the artistic point of view, it is usually a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."
"He is really not so ugly after all, provided, of course, that one shuts one's eyes, and does not look at him."
"It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating."
"Oh! journalism is unreadable, and literature is not read."
"I am but too conscious of the fact that we are born in an age when only the dull are treated seriously, and I live in terror of not being misunderstood."
"There is no sin except stupidity."
"Nowadays we are all of us so hard up that the only pleasant things to pay are compliments. They're the only things we can pay."
"I can resist everything except temptation."
"My own business always bores me to death. I prefer other people's."
"In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."
"What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing."
"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes."
"What a pity that in life we only get our lessons when they are of no use to us."
"Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
"The Book of Life begins with a man and a woman in a garden. It ends with Revelations."
"Gerald: I suppose society is wonderfully delightful?
Lord Illingworth: To be in it is merely a bore. But to be out of it simply a tragedy."
Lord Illingworth: To be in it is merely a bore. But to be out of it simply a tragedy."
"I am always astonishing myself. It is the only thing that makes life worth living."
"Children love their parents. Eventually they come to judge them. Rarely do they forgive them."
"In old days books were written by men of letters and read by the public. Nowadays books are written by the public and read by nobody."
"Only the shallow know themselves."
"In examinations the foolish ask questions that the wise cannot answer."
"The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything."
"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance."
"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his."
"It is absurd to have a hard and fast rule about what one should read and what one shouldn't. More than half of modern culture depends on what one shouldn't read."
"Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die."
"Science can never grapple with the irrational. That is why it has no future before it, in this world."
"Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast."
"Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear."
"If we men married the women we deserved, we should have a very bad time of it."
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live."
"Closed eyes listen, afraid to see on their own. Easily influenced and simply conformed."
"Now art should never try to be popular. The public should try to make itself artistic."
"Disobedience, in the eyes of any one who has read history, is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience that progress has been made, through disobedience and through rebellion."
"I have said to you to speak the truth is a painful thing. To be forced to tell lies is much worse."
"The supreme vice is shallowness."
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
"I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot."
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
Suggestive Quotes on Life by George Bernard Shaw
"People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it."
"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality of happiness, and by no means a necessity of life."
"This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."
"Power does not corrupt men; fools, however, if they get into a position of power, corrupt power."
"Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same."
"Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, The one I feed the most."
"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty."
"When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth."
"Whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so sure of themselves, and wiser people are full of doubts"
"He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career."
"All censorships exist to prevent anyone from challenging current conceptions and existing institutions. All progress is initiated by challenging current conceptions, and executed by supplanting existing institutions. Consequently, the first condition of progress is the removal of censorship."
"Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will."
"Progress is impossible without change; and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."
"The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them."
"No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means."
"Choose silence of all virtues, for by it you hear other men's imperfections, and conceal your own."
"Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated."
"The plain working truth is that it is not only good for people to be shocked occasionally, but absolutely necessary to the progress of society that they should be shocked pretty often."
"Do not waste your time on Social Questions. What is the matter with the poor is Poverty what is the matter with the rich is Uselessness."
"You have learned something. That always feels at first as if you have lost something."
"You are going to let the fear of poverty govern your life and your reward will be that you will eat, but you will not live."
"Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!" - George Bernard Shaw
"England and America are two countries separated by the same language."
"Imitation is not just the sincerest form of flattery - it's the sincerest form of learning."
"You don't stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing"
"Confusing monogamy with morality has done more to destroy the conscience of the human race than any other error."
"It is not pleasure that makes life worth living. It is life that makes pleasure worth having."
"Bear it like a man, even if you feel it like an ass. "
"If you teach a man anything, he will never learn."
"There is always danger for those who are afraid"
"Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance."
"People are always blaming circumstances for what they are. I do not believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them, they make them."
"Do you think that the things people make fools of themselves about are any less real and true than the things they behave sensibly about? They are more true: they are the only things that are true."
"Men are wise in proportion, not to their experience, but to their capacity for experience."
There are plenty of witticisms, mockery about mundaneness and generalizations, a few that make you laugh, stir you for a moment and then you say - 'Ah yes! How true!' and then that is it! Hope, you had as much fun reading these quotes as I had too.