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Short Funny Quotes That Pack a Punch of Laughter

Short Funny Quotes
Looking for a quick laugh at the end of a stressful day? A few short but funny quotes will definitely tickle your funny bone and beat away your blues.
Kashmira Lad
Last Updated: Aug 26, 2017
This collection of short funny quotes will pep up your mood and brighten up your spirit, and is bound to have you in splits! For those who love to keep a collection of funny sayings, these quotes could be handy when you want to cheer someone up or simply have a good laugh!
Zsa Zsa Gabor Quote I am an excellent housekeeper
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning. - Anonymous
I'm not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton
Thank God I'm an atheist. - Anonymous
Avoid hangovers stay drunk
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. - Jerry Seinfeld
An egotist is someone who is usually me - deep in conversation. - Anonymous
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. - Anonymous
Quote by Jim Loy I'm trying to read a book on how to relax
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. - Anonymous
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. - W. C. Fields
A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch. - Anonymous
Quote by Maryon Pearson Behind every successful man is a surprised woman
The four most important words in marriage
If at first you don't succeed, order pizza. - Anonymous
Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours. - Anonymous
A closed mouth gathers no foot. - Anonymous
Samuel Goldwyn quote Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. - Albert Einstein
No man is truly married until he understands
The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. - Jackie Collins
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. - Paul Ehrlich
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. - Anonymous
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. - Author Unknown
Franklin P. Jones quote The trouble with being punctual is that
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein
Constipated People Don't Give a crap. - Anonymous
Dick Cavett If your parents never had children
We are all either fools or undiscovered geniuses. - Bonnie Lin
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. - Anonymous
Constant change is here to stay. - Anonymous
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure. - Anonymous
John Peers quote Never stand between a dog and a hydrant
If you can't answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names. - Elbert Hubbard
If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else. - Ann Landers
A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. - Milton Berle
Laughter is the best medicine; as it is scientifically proven to have beneficial effects on our health. You can also use these quotes to give your loved ones a dose of this funny medicine.
Westie with sunglasses on the bench