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Short Funny Quotes That Pack a Punch of Laughter

Looking for a quick laugh at the end of a stressful day? A few short but funny quotes will definitely tickle your funny bone and beat away your blues.

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Short Funny Quotes

Looking for a quick laugh at the end of a stressful day? A few short but funny quotes will definitely tickle your funny bone and beat away your blues.

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This collection of short funny quotes will pep up your mood and brighten up your spirit, and is bound to have you in splits! For those who love to keep a collection of funny sayings, these quotes could be handy when you want to cheer someone up or simply have a good laugh!

Zsa Zsa Gabor Quote I am an excellent housekeeper

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning. – Anonymous

I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know I’m not blonde. – Dolly Parton

Thank God I’m an atheist. – Anonymous

Avoid hangovers stay drunk

Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV. – Jerry Seinfeld

An egotist is someone who is usually me – deep in conversation. – Anonymous

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else. – Anonymous

Quote by Jim Loy I'm trying to read a book on how to relax

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. – Anonymous

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. – W. C. Fields

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch. – Anonymous

Quote by Maryon Pearson Behind every successful man is a surprised woman
The four most important words in marriage

If at first you don’t succeed, order pizza. – Anonymous

Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours. – Anonymous

A closed mouth gathers no foot. – Anonymous

Samuel Goldwyn quote Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. – Albert Einstein

No man is truly married until he understands

The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. – Jackie Collins

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. – Paul Ehrlich

Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. – Anonymous

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. – Author Unknown

Franklin P. Jones quote The trouble with being punctual is that

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. – Lily Tomlin

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. – Robert A. Heinlein

Constipated People Don’t Give a crap. – Anonymous

Dick Cavett If your parents never had children

We are all either fools or undiscovered geniuses. – Bonnie Lin

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. – Anonymous

Constant change is here to stay. – Anonymous

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure. – Anonymous

John Peers quote Never stand between a dog and a hydrant

If you can’t answer a man’s argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names. – Elbert Hubbard

If you want your children to listen, try talking softly – to someone else. – Ann Landers

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. – Milton Berle

Laughter is the best medicine; as it is scientifically proven to have beneficial effects on our health. You can also use these quotes to give your loved ones a dose of this funny medicine.

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