One-liners on life are short and sweet ways of having a good laugh at life’s ironies. Take your pick…
Life is full of many strange aspects that are beyond human comprehension. ‘Never take life seriously, no one gets out alive’ is an oft-heard and good one-liner that inspires people to be positive about life and makes you laugh. In this article, we shall read some really funny ones that will help you see why life should always be taken with a pinch of salt.
There are many one-liners that help give the summation of life in just a few words. If you are sporting enough to happily put up a sign saying, “Mental backup in progress. Do Not Disturb!” on your desktop, continue reading. We have covered many one-liners that will help take away the mental block you may be currently suffering from and bring back the lost humor in your life.
The one-liners given below have been said by people like you and me. Life is full of surprises, so let us enjoy it and savor all its flavors happily.
Funny One Liners
▶ Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope.
▶ Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
▶ Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, “Where the heck is the ceiling?!”
▶ Learn from your parents’ mistakes; use birth control.
▶ We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
▶ Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.
▶ I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
▶ Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone!
▶ “Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.” ― Steven Wright.
▶ “Seven days without laughter makes one weak.” ― Mort Walker
▶ “Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.” ― Morris Kline
▶ “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” ― Emo Philips
▶ “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” ― Steven Wright
▶ “I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” ― Jerome K. Jerome
▶ “Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. ” ― Robert Benchley
Humorous One Liners
▶ They lived happily until they got married.
▶ I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.
▶ It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look!!!
▶ One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to the others.
▶ “Has there been any insanity in your family?” “Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he’s the boss.”
▶ “Why did you hit your husband with a chair?” “I couldn’t lift the table.”
▶ Memory is what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday.
▶ An unmarried man has no buttons on his shirt. A married man has no shirt.
▶ Behind every successful man, there is a woman; behind every unsuccessful man, there are two!
▶ Every man/woman should marry; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
▶ “Whoever angers you, conquers you.” ― Elizabeth Kenny
▶ “A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.” ― Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
The Witty Ones
▶ Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
▶ Always be sincere, even if you don’t mean it.
▶ For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
▶ Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
▶ Be generous to those who need your help.
▶ “Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.” ― Steven Wright
▶ “Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.” ― Cindy Gerard, To the Limit
▶ “No good deed goes unpunished.” ― Oscar Wilde
The Sarcastic Ones
▶ When climbing the ladder of success, don’t let boys look up your skirt!
▶ My job is secure. No one else wants it.
▶ Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.
▶ The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
▶ “Infants have their infancy; adults, adultery.” ― David P. Barash
▶ “Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you critizise them you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” ― Frieda Norris
▶ “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” ― Earl Wilson
▶ “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” ― Will Rogers
▶ “Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.” ― Steven Wright
The Inspirational Ones
▶ Jealousy and envy are deadly to the mind.
▶ Books are not men and yet they stay alive.
▶ Whenever an individual or a business decides that success has been attained, progress stops.
▶ It is a wise child that knows his own father.
▶ Making a bad decision is better than making no decision at all.
▶ “It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness.” ― Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms
▶ “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” ― Mother Teresa
▶ “Not he who has much is rich, but he who gives much.” ― Erich Fromm
▶ “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” ― Thomas A. Edison
▶ “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.” ― Henry Ford
One-liners on Attitude
▶ I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
▶ No sense in being pessimistic, it probably wouldn’t work anyway.
▶ I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
▶ Some people are wise, and some are otherwise.
▶ It’s your aptitude not just your attitude that determines your ultimate altitude.
▶ I fear my inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
▶ If I throw a stick, will you go away?
▶ I don’t need your attitude; I have one of my own.
“People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.” ― David H. Comins
One-liners on Love
▶ Now join your hands, and with your hands your hearts.
▶ Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
▶ I am someone else when I’m with you, someone more like myself.
▶ “Love goes toward love”. ― William Shakespeare
“To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven”. ― Karen Sunde
One Liners that Will Make You Think
▶ Failure is always temporary, only giving up makes it permanent.
▶ Most of our suspicions of others are aroused by our knowledge of ourselves.
▶ My parents worked hard to give us everything money could not buy.
▶ A penny will hide the biggest star in the universe if you hold it close enough to your eye
“A healthy attitude is contagious but don’t wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier.” ― Tom Stoppard
“Every form of happiness is private. Our greatest moments are personal, self-motivated, not to be touched.” ― Ayn Rand
“We spend the first year of a child’s life teaching it to walk and talk and the rest of its life to shut up and sit down.” ― Neil deGrasse Tyson
“Keep your face to the sun and you will never see the shadows.” ― Helen Keller
“We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.” ― Kahlil Gibran
One of my favorite one-liners is, “Conclusion: the place where you got tired of thinking.” I hope these one-liners on life managed to bring a smile on your face. This article was written with the sole aim to help you “Smile, it increases your face value.”