Share funny, witty or inspiring quotes.

Humorous Quotes That'll Have You Chuckling in No Time

Humorous Quotes
They say that a day without laughter is a day wasted! With mounting pressures and grouchy behavior on the rise, what can act as a better stress buster than funny quotes? Life is too short to spend it in worry and stress. Laughter is free and the best medicine around. Give yourself a daily dose of this medicine and take out the time to enjoy humor.
Kashmira Lad
Last Updated: Mar 19, 2018
It was a woman who drove me to drink and I never got the chance to thank her. - W.C. Fields
Irish coffee is the perfect breakfast because it contains all four adult food groups: fat, sugar, caffeine and alcohol. - Anonymous
humorous quote - mega jones
Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. - Winston Churchill
humorous quote - danny jansen
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - Henny Youngman
I exercise strong self-control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. - W.C. Fields
humorous quote - anonymous
Love and Relationships
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette
What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork. - Pearl Bailey
You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories. - Melanie Clark
humorous quote - albert einstein
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. - Rodney Dangerfield
humorous quote - jimmy carter
Quotes on Age
I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow. - Billy Connolly
No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating. - Oscar Wilde
humorous quote - bob hope
One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it's such a nice change from being young. - Dorothy Canfield Fisher
Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. - Jack Benny
humorous quote - bob hope
Just for Laughter
Humor is also a way of saying something serious. - T.S. Eliot
Time is God's way to keep everything from happening at once. - James Brown
I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't true. - Katherine Hepburn
humorous quote - yogi berra
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell. - Garry Shandling
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. - Anne Bancroft
humorous quote - robert benchley
Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control. - Diana Jordan
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem
humorous quote - george burns