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Funny Phrases and Slogans That Will Crack You Up

Funny Phrases and Slogans
Witty one-liners are the best ice breakers, and they never seem to fail. All you have to do is choose the correct place to pop them and not end up being inappropriate.
Quotabulary Staff
Last Updated: Feb 8, 2018
Queen Bee: Flying
If there is one thing that nobody ever needs a reason for, it would be to laugh. In today's life, when people need to make time to seek happiness, something as simple as a few words put together can give them joy enough to carry on with the mundane task of making two ends meet. In this Quotabulary article, you will find just that - a few breathers that will refresh you anytime, anywhere. This article contains funny one-liners and quotes, and not literally phrases and slogans.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
humpty dumpty
You can't be late until you show up.
When all else fails, lower your standards.
Was today really necessary?
Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
nobody is ugly after 2 am
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
I'm objective; I object to everything.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
When there's a will, I want to be in it!
liking your own status on facebook
I have PMS and a handgun. Any Questions?
Overpopulation... too much of a good thing.
It could be worse. What if sex was fattening?
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
69 percent people find something dirty in every sentence
Vegetarian: Indian word for BAD HUNTER!
You don't know what you have until it's gone. For example, toilet paper.
Heaven won't take me and hell's afraid I'll take over.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
so mnay cats so little time
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it. ~ Bob Hope
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
voices in my head may not be real but they have some good ideas
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. ~ Groucho Marx
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. ~ Tom Stoppard
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.