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Funny Alcohol Quotes

Here's a funny take on alcoholism. Read these funny quotes on alcohol and know how this potent drink can really play with your mind!
Quotabulary Staff
Last Updated: Feb 3, 2018
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Alcoholism is not a funny issue, but there are many funny quotes on alcohol that I have come across! These quotes highlight the lighter side of consuming alcohol. However, some of them actually have a serious note as well beneath the humor. Take a look at these funny quotes and laugh out loud with your friends and family!
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
- Ernest Hemingway
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
- W.C. Fields
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
- Stephen Wright
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
- William Butler Yeats
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
- Henry Lawson
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day.
- Dean Martin
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
- Unknown
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
- Kinky Friedman
I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
- George Best
Alcohol removes inhibitions - like that scared little mouse who got drunk and shook his whiskers and shouted: "Now bring on that damn cat!"
- Eleanor Early
I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.
- Brendan Behan
I have made an important discovery... that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication.
- Oscar Wilde
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- Henny Youngman
I drink to make other people interesting.
- George Jean Nathan
Dear Alcohol, we had a deal, you were going to make me funnier, sexier, more intelligent and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
- Anonymous
I used to think drinking was bad for me... So I gave up thinking.
- Anonymous
I would date you, but my heart already belongs to Jack Daniels.
- Anonymous
Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.
- Anonymous
You look like I need another drink.
- Anonymous
I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
- Joe E. Lewis
Alcohol does not solve problems, but then again, neither does milk.
- Anonymous
If I ever go missing, I want my picture on a wine bottle instead of a milk carton, this way my friends will know I am missing.
- Anonymous
You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.
- Anonymous
I would give up drinking, but I am not a quitter.
- Anonymous
I realize I may not be everyone's cup of tea. I'd rather be someone's shot of Tequila anyway.
- Anonymous
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