"Laughter is an instant vacation."
― Milton Berle
Are you getting bored beyond belief and have nothing to do? Our collection of hilarious sayings can come to the rescue, which are sure to make you laugh and to help you get through that dull day! These funny quotes can also be used in greeting cards for a personal touch, and to tickle the other person's funny bone.
The amazing fact about these quotes is that though they're funny and make you laugh, they ring true in everyone's lives! We have compiled some of the best rib-tickling quotes and sayings for you to enjoy wherever you are―in the subway, in a taxi, at work, in college, or at home. Read on!
Comic Sayings about Life
Here are some humorous quotes about life that will not only brighten up your day, but will also add a bit of much-needed laughter to a frustrating day.
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
― Ashleigh Brilliant
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
― Woody Allen
Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all.
― Arthur Balfour
Love is the history of a woman's life; it is an episode in man's.
― Madame de Staël
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it.
Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
― Samuel Butler
I think I've discovered the secret of life ― you just hang around until you get used to it.
― Charles Schulz
The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
― Robert Bloch
Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets.
― Arthur Miller
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.
― Joey Adams
Life's not always fair. Sometimes you can get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow.
― Cherralea Morgen
Life is a foreign language: all men mispronounce it.
― Christopher Morley
In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
― Kathleen Norris
There are people who so arrange their lives that they feed themselves only on side dishes.
― José Ortega y Gasset
Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.
As we struggle to make sense of things, life looks on in repose.
There is only one immutable law in life ― in a gentleman's toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way.
― Hugh Leonard
Humorous Sayings about Relationships
Here are some rib-tickling quotes about relationships, which are bound to make you laugh your heart out.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
― Sacha Guitry
There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that.
― Steve Martin
Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.
― Cecilia Egan
Maybe the most that you can expect from a relationship that goes bad is to come out of it with a few good songs.
― Marianne Faithfull
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
― Groucho Marx
In married life three is company and two none.
― Oscar Wilde
It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.
― Spike Milligan
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him.
Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
― Ambrose Bierce
Men are from earth, women are from earth. Deal with it.
― George Carlin
Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.
― Cathy Carlyle
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
The General was essentially a man of peace, except of course in his domestic affairs.
― Oscar Wilde
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
― Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
― Jimmy Durante
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted.
― Helen Rowland
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
― Joan Rivers
The four most important words in any marriage..."I'll do the dishes."
You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
― Brendan Francis
Men aren't necessities, they're luxuries.
Didn't each of these make you smile or better yet, laugh? We hope you enjoyed them!