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Funny Graduation Quotes That'll Have You in Splits

Funny Graduation Quotes
Add a dash of humor to the poignant and nostalgic air that will pervade your graduation day, by using some funny quotes to mark the occasion.
Quotabulary Staff
Last Updated: Feb 8, 2018
You don your mortarboard cap and glossy gown to mark your march down the commencement podium. Your family, teachers and friends look at you with a glint of pride in their eyes, as this is the day you graduate from senior high or college. This is one day that all parents, students and even teachers await, as this day comes after a lot of hard work and sweat put in by all. An air of somberness will be present. You can defuse the tension by including some funny quotes in your graduation speech.
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
- Jeff Foxworthy
College isn't the place to go for ideas.
- Helen Keller
In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.
- Mark Twain
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught.
- Oscar Wilde
If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.
- Frank A. Clark
graduation ceremony
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that "individuality" is the key to success.
- Robert Orben
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go.
- Dr. Seuss
My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section.
- Norm Crosby
Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
- Gary Bolding
It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days.
- Isabel Waxman
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
- Mark Twain
Education is a progressive discovery of your own ignorance.
- Will Durant
graduation cap
People will frighten you about a graduation....They use words you don't hear often... 'And we wish you Godspeed.' It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices. - Bill Cosby
Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
- Garry Trudeau
Yes, the lectures are optional. Graduation is also optional.
- Bob Bickford
There is a good reason they call these ceremonies 'commencement exercises'. Graduation is not the end; it's the beginning.
- Orrin Hatch
The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving.
- Russell Green
Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
These are a few quotes that you can use to add to your graduation speech or write it down on the card given with the graduation gift, you are going to present someone. Including these quotes will not only tickle the ribs of the audience, but also enlighten and inspire them for the future.