We all drink coffee. Some say too often. We say… that’s not possible. Coffee is a staple of life, and without it, well… let’s not go there. Just know that we’re not the only people to think like this – the genius minds behind all of these hilarious coffee one liners love coffee just as much, or more, than we do.
The Most Hilarious Coffee One Liners
If you can’t get a cup of Joe to wake you up in the morning, these one liners will have to be the next best thing. Coffee one liners might not hit you with the same jolt as caffeine, but they’ll certainly give you a morning chuckle.
- “Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another coffee.” – Unknown
- “I like big cups and I cannot lie.” – Unknown
- “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.” – Alphonse Allais
- “Coffee first. Schemes later.” – Leanna Renee Hieber
- “What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.”- Henry Rollins
- “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drinks.” – Sir James MacKintosh
- “Decaf coffee? Would you like some orange-free orange juice with that? “- Unknown
- “But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all.” David Lynch
- “I wouldn’t do anything for a Klondike Bar, but I’d do some pretty sketchy stuff for some coffee.” -Unknown
- “Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee. It’s called sleeping.”- Unknown
- “Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.” – Charles Maurice de Talleyrand
- “Sorry, you lost me at, ‘I don’t drink coffee.’ ” – Unknown
- “As it turns out, 93% of my personality was just coffee.” – Unknown
- “Caffeine and sugar, the two basic food groups.” – Laurell K. Hamilton
- “My coffee addiction has gotten so serious that I’m calling for an intervention. Let’s meet at the coffee house around 2.” – Unknown
- “It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.” – Donna A. Favors
- “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” – Cassandra Clare
- “Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, coffee is a solution.” – Unknown
- “I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee. ” – Flash Rosenberg
Letterman and Seinfeld
- “We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.” – Jerry Seinfeld
- “Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” – David Letterman
So there you have it – you’re not the only coffeeholic around. Pretty much everyone in our society loves coffee, and a lot of celebrities aren’t ashamed of their love affair with this dark, delicious drink.
Check out these awkward quotes for those awkward mornings you can’t have coffee, or these quotes that sum up the lives of everyone in our coffee-crazed society.