Witty Quotes and Sayings

Witty Quotes and Sayings
Everyone welcomes witty quotes and sayings into their day, like a breath of fresh air. Why should you be any different? Enjoy this article!
Quotabulary Staff
Everyone welcomes funny and witty quotes at any given time. They take you away from the monotonous that your life threatens to become. They give you those few moments of laughter, and help you remember that a little humor, even about serious things, never killed anybody. Let's check out some such witty quotes about life and love.

About Life

Life is tough. That's an unwritten truth. But that does not mean we can't have some fun! We fall, we rise, we fall again, we rise again, we fall yet again, and that's when we decide to make up some ridiculous things to say about life. Here's a collection of some funny quotes about life. Hope you enjoy them.

"If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done." - Anonymous

"Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?" - Kelvin Throop III

"If you can't convince them, confuse them." - Harry S. Truman

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to." - G. K. Chesterton, Dorothy Parker

"True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing." - Socrates

"A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular." - Adlai Stevenson

"Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics." - Anonymous

"Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once." - Anonymous

"There's no half singing in the shower. You're either a rock star or an opera diva." - Josh Groban

"Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car." - Anonymous

"With stupidity the gods themselves struggle in vain." - Friedrich von Schiller

""Reality" is the only word in the English language that should always be used in quotes." - Anonymous

"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with." - W. C. Fields

"Spelling is a lossed art." - Anonymous

"Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy." - Anonymous

"The best things in life aren't things." - Anonymous

"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it." - Anonymous

"I am so clever, that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I'm saying." - Oscar Wilde

"A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five." - Groucho Marx

Notice in office: "The easiest way to make ends meet is to get off your own."

About Love

Ah! To be in love! Love is a mystery to everyone. People who are in love, wonder why. And people who are not in love, wonder why not. But it has always been a great topic to pass snide remarks and comments about. So, here's an ode to love in the form of some wacky quotes!

"To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia." - H.L. Mencken

"Once you have loved someone, you'd do anything in the world for them... except love them again." - Anonymous

"Three things can't be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love." - Yiddish proverb

"I detest 'love lyrics.' I think one of the causes of bad mental health in the United States is that people have been raised on 'love lyrics." - Frank Zappa

"A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did." - Edgar Watson Howe

"It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced." - Anonymous

"The sincerest love is the love of food." - Bernard Shaw

"Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it." - Josh Billings

"When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is." - Anonymous

"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste." - David Bissonette

"When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him." - Anonymous

"I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox." - Woody Allen

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down." - Woody Allen

"You're in love. That makes you actually kind of boring to people who aren't in love." - Claudia Gray

"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.?" - Oscar Wilde

"No matter how good she looks, no matter how sweet she talks, somebody, somewhere, is sick and tired of putting up with her shit." - Anonymous

"Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely." - Anonymous

"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"The secret of a happy marriage... remains a secret." - Henny Youngman

"Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." - Phyllis Diller

Hope these witty quotes and sayings have helped cheer you up. Now, it's high time you get back to work. Tut! Tut!