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Retirement Humor

Forget the Boredom of Retirement and Enjoy These Humorous Quotes

Retirement has always been associated with its fair share of jokes and anecdotes. In this article, we take a lighthearted look at retirement through some humor, quotes, and jokes.
Parashar Joshi
Last Updated: Mar 13, 2018
"One of the problems of retirement is that it gives you more time to read about the problems of retirement."―Anonymous

Retirement is a concept that always attracts a great deal of curiosity. There are quite a few people who are absolutely exasperated with their professional lives, and are desperately awaiting retirement. At the same time, there are also those people who work their way endlessly through the years only to wake up on their 65th birthday with nothing left to do. There are two sides to every coin, and in much the same way, there are two ways of dealing with retirement, both of which can be associated with a great deal of retirement humor.

Humor about Life After Retirement

Retirement is a time when, after all those long years of hard work, you can finally put your feet up and just relax. You have all the time in the world to pursue your hobbies and interests which you could not do during your years of work and career. If you walk into any old countryside cafe, you might in most cases, happen to see a bunch of oldies gathered around a corner table―laughing, joking, and drinking merrily as they go about their retirement planning. It is during such gatherings that one gets to hear some rib tickling jokes, stories, and retirement quotes.

Here are some jokes and anecdotes, all of which take a lighthearted approach to the topic of retirement and retired life.

An elderly, retired widow and widower had been dating for a couple of years. One day, the man finally asked her if she would marry him. She immediately said 'yes'. The next morning when he woke up, he couldn't remember what her answer was! After an hour of unsuccessfully trying to recollect the previous day's happenings, he finally got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he couldn't remember her answer to his marriage proposal. "Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was!"

Eight-year-old Tommy visits his grandparents on a weekend. Knowing that Grandpa has just retired from his job at the bank, he asks him, "Grandpa, you sure must be missing the weekends, right?". "Absolutely not!" says Grandpa. "I do have weekends, it's just that they come in the form of six Saturdays and one Sunday!"

Here is a collection of funny retirement quotes that is sure to draw a chuckle or two.

"The worst thing about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time."―Anonymous

"When you retire, you switch bosses―from the one who hired you to the one who married you."―Gene Perret

"A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job."―Ella Harris

"The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income."―George Foreman

"Retirement: No clock, no deadlines, no stress, no money!"―Anonymous

"When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income."―Chi Chi Rodriguez

Here is an interesting quatrain that I came across pertaining to the topic of retirement.

"Retirement is the time of your life
For you to be all that you planned to be.
To live life for the moment,
And to live happy, wild, and free."
―Dave Erhard

So don't worry about how life will be or what you will do once you retire. Have a great retirement party and welcome this new phase of your life. As I sign off, I leave you with the following quote which, I guess, perfectly summarizes what retirement is all about.

"Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money."―Jonathan Clements