Really Funny Quotes

Really Funny Quotes

You can read some really funny quotes, if you do not want to wipe that smile off your face all day long. You can read some quotes that will surely brighten up your day.
Quotabulary Staff
Last Updated: Jul 18, 2018
"You can't have everything....where would you put it?". Didn't find it funny? Funny quotes are supposed to cheer you up when you are sad and lighten you up when you are bored. You will find many cheesy funny quotes on the Internet, that neither is funny or even worth half a smile. Read following variety of funny quotes, that will bring a smile on your face.
Quotes and Sayings that are Funny
Save water concept
'Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.'
Woman seeing beautiful nature
'There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning.'
Happy multi generation family
'Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.'
'Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.'

'They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.'

'Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.'

'Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.'
Children sitting on backseat of car
'Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children.'
Young man thinking in relaxed posture
'I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.'
Teen friends hang out in coffee shop
'When two's company, - three's the result!'
'I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.'
- Mark Twain

'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane... '

'Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.'
Indian man portrait
'When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.'
Woman reading amazing book
'Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.'
- Mark Twain
Counting money
'Money is not everything. There's MasterCard & Visa.'
'I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.'
- Rodney Dangerfield

'You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?'
Funny Quotes about Life
'It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.'

'Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.'

'Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.'
- Brendan Gill

'Life is painful, nasty and short... in my case it has only been painful and nasty.'
- Djuna Barnes
'Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.'
- Murphy's Law

'The basic rule of human nature is that powerful people speak slowly and subservient people quickly - because if they don't speak fast nobody will listen to them.'
'Don't take life to seriously. No one gets out alive.'

'To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.'
- Janet Coleman

'I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.'
- Woody Allen
Young woman sitting
'You re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.'
'If we can't be free, we at least can be cheap.'
- Frank Zappa

'When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder, how you did it.'
You may say you have heard better ones. Well, that's good. That's because the main idea of cute funny sayings is to make one smile. You enjoy the small pleasures of life by, reading these funny quotes. Keep smiling.