Fracture? Broke? TNG? Year Back? Pimples? Break-Up? - Alcohol. If this doesn't sum up as an answer, I don't know what does. Chances are, you are asking the wrong question. I might as well confess. When I chanced upon putting words to life on some funny alcohol sayings, it was my excitement that did the talking - for the first time in my life, I am wordless at the moment, and struggling hard to create a piece of writing that leaves you startled with the substance. That shall come as no surprise to you for the simple reason that, with alcohol, comes great irresponsibility. I'm all for beer and wine, and nothing outlines this fact more than my inability to treat you with words and thoughts of my own at the moment.
That said, if you're plagued with a host of issues and problems in life, and your wife is right behind your shoulder keeping a check over your drinking... excessive drinking habit, perhaps some funny drinking phrases, though not as sufficing as alcohol itself, could still lead you away for a moment from the abominable blisters of life. The words of wise men on alcohol perfectly contain red wine's fineness, beer's embrace, and vodka's kick - all in a single line. In Mr. Homer Simpson's style, here's to the cause of, and the solution to all problems.
Funny Alcohol Quotes and Sayings
- 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? -Stephen Wright
- Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. -Dave Barry
- Buy a man a beer and he wastes an hour. Teach a man to brew and he wastes lifetime. -Gordy from ABC Warehouse
- Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. -Kaiser Wilhelm
- Always do sober what you said you would do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. -Ernest Hemingway
- The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. -William Butler Yeats
- I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. -George Best
- I drink to make other people interesting. -George Jean Nathan
- The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism. -Norman Brenner
- Protocol, Alcohol, and Geritol. -Adlai E. Stevenson
- Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. -Jerry Vale
- Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser. -Professor Irwin Corey
I might find it a bit difficult to gain my speech back, and attempt to talk about something that has contradicted the existence of reality itself, and so, I'd pick out some more humorous quotes on drugs and alcohol for you to savor. Smart escape, I think.
Quotes on Drugs
- Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money. -Robin Williams
- I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself. -Johnny Carson
- I don't use drugs, my dreams are frightening enough. -M.C. Escher
- I used to have a drug problem, now I make enough money. -David Lee Roth
- Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system. -P.J. O'Rourke
- No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. -P.J. O'Rourke
- Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity. -Sammy Davis, Jr.
- Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! -Homer Simpson
This is getting even more interesting now. I think, I'll have enough words of my own to please you until we reach the conclusion (bah, straight face!). Anyway, yet another section on drinking quotes is what I have for you. Check out the following.
Alcohol Quotes from Songs
- Never had a drink I didn't like. Got a taste of you and threw up all night. ~ Crawl, Alkaline Trio
- A Lonely liver suspended in liquid. ~ Bleeder, Alkaline Trio
- I need a beer to wash it all away without a trace. And then I'll drink 23 more to wipe this stupid smile off my fucking face. ~ My Friend Peter, Alkaline Trio
- Take another shot of courage, wonder why the right words never come, you just get numb, it's another tequila sunrise, this old world still looks the same, another frame ~ Tequila Sunrise, The Eagles
- Drunk as hell, but no throwin' up, half way home and my pager's still blowin' up. ~ It was a Good Day, Ice Cube
- All this time did you think I would be here for your sake, I hope you got a bottle of Wine. And if it's a drinking problem, I'll be laughing at the bottom because I already finished mine. ~ Nice Time, Pepper
You know, what's the one thing that's bad about alcohol, you tend to mistake words for thoughts. When it goes in you, things come out of you. However tricky things be, cheering to life and it's myriad problems, let these alcoholic words do some good to you. Let them flush away, to some extent, the pins and needles that prick you, and the lemons that life throws at you. Enjoy a good laugh, with a mug of beer in hand, and rock ballads playing in your ears... wait, just don't throw up!